So, Vince McMahon – the guy that owns the WWE and thus owns wrestling – has taken over as CEO of his own company. Slightly boring news, no? Not really. You see, he’s done this to replace the outgoing CEO… his wife, Linda McMahon. Where’s she going? She’s running for senate. Yep, a McMahon in power! Dontcha just love the way life imitates art?

So she put out this very slick video package – no surprise really, the WWE are top notch video producers and they know how to promote as well as anyone.

The video was very safe, very middle of the road, and had no mention of her former job, only stating that she was a CEO of a company that created over 500 jobs… but you see… I can exclusively reveal there is another video that had to be extensively re-shot after the cameras stopped rolling… but being the intrepid journalist that I am – HA! – I have found a transcript…

“Hi, I’m Linda McMahon. I’m a former CEO of a publicly traded company, whose name I won’t tell you in case you think I’m some kind of bemused redneck who gets confused by electricity.

When you’ve run a successful company for as long as my husband has – sorry… for as long as I have, then you learn a few things. But then again, you forget more than you learn due to repeated steel chair shots and concussions. You also forget more than you learn due to repeated steel chair shots and concussions, not to mention forgetting things due to repeated steel chair shots and concussions.

My husband’s – sorry, my previous company created over 500 jobs right here in Connecticut, most of them done by Chavo Guerrero.

I am a firm believer in equal opportunities, as long as you’re not Canadian. I promote family values, you only need to look at some of my TV work, where my husband flaunted his affairs in front of me and my children on live national TV, all in the name of good clean family entertainment!

Of course, any candidate is only as good as their policies, and as such, I propose the following key points

  • Creating more jobs for Connecticut residents by expanding the manufacture of steel chairs, wooden tables and bamboo canes.

  • Every family to be given access to Pay Per View television.

  • Strengthening Connecticut business in the Sports Entertainment sector by lobbying for closure and/or purchase of Florida based “wrestling” companies.

  • Declaring November 9th as National Screwjob Day, where the nation remembers great betrayals of our time.

I trust each and every one of you to make the right decision. And remember, if you work for my husband, and you don’t vote for me… YOU’RE FIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRED!

Vote smart. Vote McMahon… and that’s the bottom line, ’cause Mrs. McMahon said so!”

Advertisements