I gaze into the crystal ball and deliver the WrestleMania winners a day early!
Well, hello. As I write (type?) this, we are just over 24 hours from the Showcase Of The Immortals, The Grandest Stage Of Them All, and whatever other buzzwords and catchphrases Vince thinks we should be brainwashed with.
As a single entity, the card is as impressive as any I can remember; sure there’s the one obvious stand out match – but the upper card is stacked – from the annual Money In The Bank spotfest, to the two championship matches, not to mention the long awaited Bret vs. Vince showdown, there’s quality from top to bottom. Oh, and there’s Vickie Guerrero, too. Sill, we all need a toilet break, eh?
With no further ado, here’s my “thoughts” on the show:
The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels
Absolutely HAS to close the show in my opinion. The video packages have built this up into THE match of the show, and even if it’s only half as good as last year’s bout, we’re in for a treat. This match is for me, all about what kinds of story the two guys tell, rather than spot after spot after spot… and there’s no two people working right now with a better grip of storytelling than these Taker and HBK. Do I even need to say who I think will win?
Bret Hart vs. Mr. McMahon
The grudge match 12 years in the making. Sure, Bret is a shadow of the old Hitman we knew and sometimes loved, but he is such a damn perfectionist, you just know he has to be 100% sure he can deliver in the ring – and out, in this case. Vince’s matches are nothing if not entertaining, and he knows the stakes at WrestleMania better than anyone. This is gonna be a drawn out brawl, with several well planned out spots, and hopefully one last moment in the spotlight for Bret to shine.
Winner: BRET HART
Batista (c) vs. John Cena
Amazingly, the build to this has been great. Cena has been less annoying than usual, perhaps because in BIG DAVE he has a guy who absolutely revels in playing the bad guy. BIG DAVE has been having a ball since the big heel turn, and his character has just been the very definition of smug bad ass. Cena is another one who knows the stakes at WrestleMania, and if BIG DAVE can manage to last more than 15 minutes without needing gas and air, this too could be a good ‘un, as long as the fans buy into it. Tough pick to win, but I’d say there’s more options with a heel champ
World Heavyweight Championship
Chris Jericho (c) vs. Edge
Here be the sleeper match on the show. Nobody seems quite sure how fit Edge actually is. If he’s 100% or close to it, and he’s shrugged off the ring rust, this is gonna be – sorry JR – a slobber knocker. Jericho simply IS the best in the world at what he does, in the ring or on the mic and his very presence guarantees the fans are gonna be all over this one. Edge’s spear has been built up superbly, and Edge has shown just that right balance of intensity and insanity that he does well as a face. I can see Jericho juuust edging the win here.
Winner: CHRIS JERICHO
Money in the Bank Ladder Match
Christian vs. Kane vs. Ziggler vs. Benjamin vs. MVP vs. Swagger vs. Hardy vs. Bourne vs. McIntyre vs. Kingston
The annual “What will Shelton do this year?” match. Can you believe he’s been around for nearly 10 years now, without ever seemingly moving out of the mid card? Obvious candidates for the show stealing big spot are Shelton, Evan Bourne, Christian, Hardy, or Ziggler. You can pretty much write off Kane’s chances of winning; ditto for MVP, Ziggler, Shelton, Bourne and Swagger. Hardy doesn’t seem to be trusted, and Drew already has the IC belt, which leaves us with Kofi or Christian… Kofi seems to be carrying some heat for whatever *cough*RandyOrton*cough* reason, so for my money? Christian takes the win… possible cash in on the night against the SmackDown title winner?
Unified Tag Team Championship
Big Show & The Miz vs. John Morrison & R-Truth
Much as I love Big Show and Miz as a team, just throwing two guys together at random shows how weak the WWE Tag Division is right now. I totally, and utterly, cannot STAND R-Truth – anything he says, does or raps just irritates me beyond belief. Not sure what’s happened to John Morrison… but surely he’s deserving of better than a Random Partner Of Doom? No way can ShowMiz lose this match… just does not make sense, unless… Daniel Bryan is there? Hmmm…
Winner: BIG SHOW & THE MIZ
Triple H vs. Sheamus
Trips has been strangely quiet during this WrestleMania build up, and Sheamus has just turned out to be a dead duck champion. This seems like a pretty dull affair, middle of the show territory… but I have a feeling this match is gonna surprise a few people. Don’t expect a 5 star technical classic, but a power match with some good brawling isn’t beyond them. If Sheamus loses, he’s pretty much done for the meantime as a top liner; Trips can’t really lose if he’s gonna go after the title.
Winner: TRIPLE H
Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase vs. Cody Rhodes
Too little too late. That’s what the dissent between Young Ted and Young Cody on Raw this week was. The trigger should have been pulled on the Legacy meltdown weeks ago; There’s really no point to this being a triple threat; much like there’s really no point to Young Cody if he’s not part of a tag team or a stable. Orton simply has to take the win here, unless there’s some nefarious deeds from an outside influence? Meh.
Winner: RANDY ORTON
CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio
I am so looking forward to this match. Jericho aside, Punk is the best talker in the WWE right now, and I love the Straight Edge Society faction. Mysterio might have lost a step, and be somewhat of a formula wrestler these days, but I reckon he and Punk are still gonna tear it up. This is one match where I really feel it’s totally 50/50 as to who takes the win… but I’m gonna say…
Winner: REY MYSTERIO
10-Diva Tag Team Match
Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, Eve, Gail Kim & Beth Phoenix vs. Michelle McCool, Maryse, Layla, Alicia Fox & Vickie Guerrero
I really couldn’t give a damn. Vickie is obviously gonna be the focal point for this match, and that alone scares the bejeebus out of me. I will be in the toilet, or in the kitchen making a sandwich for this one!
Winner: TEAM JAMES (but I don’t care!)
So there we go, folks – enjoy ‘Mania!
Have fun, go mad!