TNA: Maximum Impact Tour 2013, Glasgow

TNA Maximum Impact Tour
Braehead Arena, Glasgow, Scotland
23rd January 2013

First things first – I was at the TNA show in Glasgow last year, and this year’s while good, fell short. A lot of empty seats – the entire top level was empty, when it was jam packed for last year’s (and indeed the last WWE show year a few weeks ago) and a ton of empty seats on the floor. Plus, a cut down roster – the amount of kids I saw that were disappointed that Hogan, Robbie E and Robbie T, Samoa Joe, Joseph Park and of course Jeff Hardy weren’t there was amazing. Doesn’t bode well for next year when TNA moves their annual show to the new Glasgow Hydro that can theoretically have twice the capacity. Continue reading “TNA: Maximum Impact Tour 2013, Glasgow”

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Soaking up The Macho Madness

To describe Randy Savage as a ‘just’ wrestler would be doing him an injustice. He was more than ‘just’ a wrestler. He was larger than life, he was more than an athlete, he was simply… The Macho Man.

To describe Randy Savage as a ‘just’ wrestler would be doing him an injustice. He was more than ‘just’ a wrestler. He was larger than life, he was more than an athlete, he was simply… The Macho Man.
Continue reading “Soaking up The Macho Madness”

TNA Glasgow results

TNA UK Maximum Impact Tour
Braehead Arena, Glasgow, Scotland
27th January 2011

TNA UK Maximum Impact Tour
Braehead Arena, Glasgow, Scotland
27th January 2011

Before the show, the video screen was plugging the news about Impact airing on Challenge TV, with times and channel info – a really smart thing to have done, the amount of people around me that didn’t know, it got the message across to everybody.

Jeremy Borash opens the show, promising the fans a night they’ll never forget, and introduces the first match: Continue reading “TNA Glasgow results”

Retro: Tommy’s Hardcore Church

Terry Funk, which art in barbed wire… hardcore be thy name. Thy promotion come, Thy will be done in Flaming Tables as it is in Barbed Wire Rings. Give us this day a Singapore Cane. Forgive us our piledrivers as we destroy those who powerbombed against us.

Been a while since I posted something here… I have something written ready, but I need to wait for it to be published elsewhere first. In the meantime, this is a little retro piece, back from the SmashWrestling.com days… to this day, it remains without a doubt, my favourite ever column, and the one I received the most feedback on. Enjoy!
Continue reading “Retro: Tommy’s Hardcore Church”

Definition of a Decade

Well, hello. As some of you may know, I write on-and-off for TWO – TalkWrestlingOnline.com and that little ol’ wrasslin’ site has reached the big 10 – double figures now, and finally, the training wheels off the bike! It’s been an eventful 10 years, perhaps one of the most eventful decades in the history of Professional Wrestling. Along the way, there’s been people that have risen above the industry, that have defined the business. Some in good ways, some in bad, but all of them in a way that ensures they won’t be forgotten easily.

For TWO’s tenth birthday, I figured I’d scrape the bottom of the barrel that passes for my brain and give you my list – in no particular order – of the 10 people I consider as the defining characters of the what I call “The TWO Years”… I get the feeling there’s gonna be arguments about this one…
Continue reading “Definition of a Decade”

The Inno View of… Destination X

One man sits through TNA’s Destination X show… and wishes HE fell down the DANGEROUS PIT~~~!!!

OK, so I caved and watched TNA’s latest PPV, Destination X… and I was just gonna skim through it and post a couple of little tidbits here and there… but it took on a life of it’s own… and got bigger, and bigger, and bigger… so here’s my crib sheet of notes I made while watching this… this… abomination upon the world. Just… well, read it. It says it all.

:: Daniels looked to me to be phoning it in, like he doesn’t give a damn anymore.

:: Likewise for Kendrick (Has he even won a match since his TNA debut?) and Red was just… well, Red.

:: Kazarian strikes me as being the kind of guy who enjoys things when he’s getting the push, so he’s on his game right now.

:: Some of the ladder spots where the guys reset ladders into certain positions after every move just looked like amateur hour… the whole match just reeked of spot after spot after spot. Could and should have been so much more given the participants.

:: I really prefer to watch TNA on mute – the fans are bad enough with their idiotic clapping chant for everything, but Tenay’s nasally whiny voice drives me insane, and what the hell happened to Taz? When did he start to suck? I’m sure he was awesome on SmackDown… surely it wasn’t Cole having an effect on him and reigning him in? He just rambles too much for me now…

:: Remember when Victoria was awesome in the WWE? Me too. I miss it. She’s lost so many steps it’s unreal… Daffney is a lot better than I remember her being.

:: Rob Terry reminds me of Mr Hyde in the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. And he still sucks. How that man has a championship of any sort id beyond me. He can barely walk without screwing it up. Get him off my TV, now!

:: MCMG get to speak, and they make the most of it. Sabin and Shelley for my money are the best tag team in TNA right now.

:: Generation Me look like they won a prize in a cereal box to take part in a match on a TNA show…

:: MCMG are just light years ahead of them. Double team moves should be a staple of tag team wrestling and nobody in the big two does it better than MCMG.

:: Having said that, the GM guys do have show potential… but you just know they’re gonna concentrate on doing faster, flashier, more spinny moves rather than actual working.

:: How high were Hall & Waltman?

:: I hate Mike Tenay calling Eric Young EY. It needs to stop. Now.

:: Pac looks the most mobile of NWO v374,582 – that’s like saying electrocution is the best form of death, mind.

:: Scott Hall does the worst crotch chop since Hornswoggle.

:: Change the fucking canvas rather than leave the Eric Young outline… sheesh… small time image or what?

:: Shannon Moore… just go to hell. Seriously. Hearing Taz trying to make him sound like a big deal made me chuckle.

:: Even the TNA inbreds are just DEAD for the Williams / Moore snoozlefest.

:: Shannon Moore is Scrappy Doo to Jeff Hardy’s Scooby…

:: Brick! BRICK! BRICK!!! I love my Brick!!!

:: Digging Doug’s speech about jumped up acrobats.

:: Bet Vince hates the fact that Matt Morgan slipped through his fingers. Dude can talk, and he’s improving in the ring. He looks the business, too.

:: Tag team champs that don’t get along? Been done tons of times, but Morgan’s obnoxiousness is off the scale. Playing that role REALLY well.

:: Bored of Mr Anderson already. Can only be a matter of time until he gets injured, anyway.

:: Having said that, the headlock sequence at the start of the Angle/Anderson match was really good to watch… and that back suplex out of the third headlock? Vicious!

:: Seriously, someone should slap those fans in the front row. Applauding the heel isn’t ironic, it’s fucking annoying!

:: The Angle Slam is such a weak looking finisher, it’s hardly surprising it gets kicked out of on a regular basis.

:: The last 5 minutes of that match seemed to be in slow motion… just brutal to watch. And not in the good way.

:: And the point of the Anderson post match promo was… to be shit? Success.

:: Abyss loves Hogan’s ring. Heh. Suppose Brutus Beefcake made a career out of it…

:: AJ just looks uncomfortable in this new heel role. Not that I don’t think he can be a heel, just that I don’t think he’s cut out to be a Naitch style heel… someone like Wolfe would fit a lot better for me.

:: OK, I admit… I love JB’s ring intros.

:: No Abyss! BAD Abyss! Don’t go for JB!!!

:: That little cut off bit of the ramp? Looks really dumb. Really.

:: Wowzer…. the suplex back into the ring from the ramp looked pretty good. Like that!

:: Crowd are just so dead…it’s a bloody PPV! Get into it! And I don’t mean blindly chanting “TNA! TNA! TNA!” everytime someone leaves their feet, or calling everything “Awesome” when it’s clearly not.

:: Ric Flair… shoulda stayed retired, sir. Much as it pains me, your act is annoying now. Saying “Woooo” repeatedly does not make an effective promo any more.

:: This match is just ass-backwards. THE MONSTER Abyss… is the good guy? And the small, fast guy is meant to be the big bad? Bull. Doesn’t work if both guys aren’t into it, and Abyss might be a good comedy face, but he ain’t a convincing face for the fans to buy into… and as I said, AJ doesn’t seem totally into the smug heel role.

:: Just realised, this is PPV, yeah? No RVD, no Pope, no Team 3D, no Sting (which is par for the course these days, to be fair) and no Hardy? Straaaaange booking, no?

:: Gotta admit at this point, I have seen the tail end of this match – in that superb YouTube vid “Oh No! Abyss created a dangerous pit!” – go find it if you haven’t checked it out already.

:: Wow, someone blew that spray-mace-into-the-ref’s-eyes spot. Ref was making burbling noises waiting for Flair to spray him for a lifetime!

:: Oh and here’s Hulky and Hebner to save the day.

:: Flair in a wheelchair pushed by Hogan… just seems like something that Vince would have done about the time of the Nacho Man skits.

:: Abyss is… Freaking Up? Abyssing up? Whatever, the synchronised “YOU~~~!!!!” was pretty funny 🙂

:: Aaaaaand now we enter shitsville… first sign? The hand from underneath the ring making the rip in the canvas bigger while AJ is lying in the DANGEROUS PIT OF DOOM~~~!!!

:: Ric Flair is wheels-a-fire coming down that ramp!

:: Abyss falls in the hole… sheesh. And Flair is out of the wheelchair and over acting like a demon… and now here’s Wolfe being used as a ping pong ball…

:: Jeez, this is just a fucking joke. THAT is how you end a PPV Main Event?

:: The TNA freak-a-zoids still think it’s awesome. Seriously guys, get a grip or get a life, either or. I’m begging ya.

:: If this was the plan all along, then I’m not surprised that TNA hardly promoted the show. Sheesh.

:: Just felt like an extended Impact rather than a big PPV show. Shocking.

2010 in Wrestling

Well, hello.

Welcome to 2010! Yeah, bit late I know, but I’m like public transport – I take my time, but I get there in the end. Except in the case of extreme snow. And staff shortages. And, y’know utter incompetence. But besides that, It’s all good.

In any case… I find myself sat here with a cup of coffee in my thinkin’ mug debating to myself what the next 12 months of wrestling will hold. I figured I would dig out the old crystal ball – don’t ask – and take a peek into the murky depths…

JANUARY

With the pseudo-resumption of the Monday Night Wars, TNA deal a fresh blow to the WWE with their latest inter-promotional raid – by deciding NOT to make a move for Michael Cole.

Scott Hall, amazingly, remains in a job.

FEBRUARY

Bret Hart is reportedly unhappy… he bought some furniture from Ikea, and after assembling it, was said to have complained about the screwjob.

Funaki escapes the latest round of releases, furthering the theory that he has polaroids of Randy Savage and Stephanie McMahon.

MARCH

Hulk Hogan decides enough is enough and he needs to step in the ring to try and save TNA. His match is scheduled for May, so with his mobility, he needs to start his walk to the ring now.

Vince McMahon kills off ECW, as expected. It’s replaced with an hour of Hornswoggle performing stand-up comedy.

APRIL

Randy Orton throws a freaky-deaky while he’s boarding a plane in Chicago, as someone in New York looks in his direction. American Airlines flight 309 is delayed as a result of a Boeing 737 being RKO’d on the tarmac.

Ring of Honor do something or other… nobody really notices.

MAY

Jeff Jarrett is through with TNA and looking for a job with the WWE after he finishes his quest to sleep with the wife of every man on the roster.

Jack Swagger wins a match… no wait, that’s a bit far fetched even for me.

JUNE

Dwayne Johnson decides that he likes wrestling again, mainly as he has a movie coming out that he needs to promote. Not that I’m being cynical or anything. John Cena nearly cries as he sees a proper movie star on Raw.

Jerry Lawler physically explodes live on air during a Divas match.

JULY

CM Punk loses a match to Charlie Haas on PPV as punishment for wearing a baseball cap that is dark blue instead of light blue. Somewhere in energy drink land, Bradshaw nods approvingly.

Chris Masters’ left pec is released from the WWE. TNA express an interest.

AUGUST

The DX merchandise machine suffers a blow as the DX bedding range has to be recalled. Apparently, the Triple H bed sheets refused to lay down.

AJ Styles breaks the laws of physics during a match and vanishes into the fourth dimension.

SEPTEMBER

TNA’s recruitment drive reaches new heights as Big Dick Johnson debuts on PPV and pins Kurt Angle for the title in a three minute squash.

Ted DiBiase is still awaiting his face turn.

OCTOBER

The wrestling world is in shock as Kevin Nash is shown on screen actually giving a damn. Nash apologises to his fans and promises never to let it happen again in a statement released from his solid gold hot tub.

The Bella Twins have no point. That’s not really a prediction, but I just thought I’d throw it out there.

NOVEMBER

Michael Cole‘s career may be over as the Oxford English Dictionary announces plans to strike “vintage“ from the dictionary.

Homicide is still trying to escape the Steel Asylum.

DECEMBER

Hulk Hogan is gone from TNA. He delivered a rousing 2 minute goodbye speech, but nobody noticed as it was buried in between The Nasty Boys eating donuts and Scott Steiner babbling incoherently about his arms.

Chris Jericho is still banned from Raw… despite being on the show every week so far this year.

~~~~~~~

And that’s that, folks. Stay tuned and see all these things happen! Maybe. In the meantime, have fun, go mad.